I have faith that God will assist you along your journey. That may sound strange, so be it. But trust me, he is going to honor your search and reveal himself to you in many ways.

I was agnostic for a great part of my life. That is, I believed that there was a God, and it was simply because I could see no other option when I pondered the creation of the universe. Something from nothing never made any sense from me. There had to be some kind of prime mover. And therefore I believed that there was a God. But I got no farther than that until I met a good woman and she showed me the way.

One way that you have discovered God already is in his creation. Some call this the “natural law” – every created thing is a living example of God’s truth. The thing can be nothing but what it was created to be, and it is simply what it is – a creation. I think I see that you have already realized this through what I have read on your blog. Its a great place to start.

I’m sorry that you had a negative experience in churches. You’ll find that many of them are scared of questions because they don’t have the whole truth. You might try approaching RCIA at a local Catholic church. Its a special program that meets once a week and teaches people about the faith. Its a period of discernment before you would decide to join the church. If you decide to go through this, test out your hosts right away to see that they aren’t afraid to answer questions. If they are, try a program at another church. Or even call to talk to a priest. There’s no harm in talking.

It might interest you that the Catholic Church was the main driver of nearly all scientific discovery for more than a thousand years, and that the scientific method was actually invented by scientists funded by the Catholic Church. Coming from a background of science, I find this fascinating. They are one of the few churches who realize what you have already begun to realize, and that is God’s truth can and is found in all of his creation.

If you want, you can email me and we can talk. BTW I wouldn’t bother trying to understand the Old Testament right now. Most people when they read it misunderstand God as an angry tyrant. Rather the Bible is a theological work, and although it contains historical and scientific things, it is neither a history nor a science book. Events that happen have a theological significance that may not be apparent and often are not a clear reflection of who God is. The New Testament is short and is easier to read; it might be a better place to start, but don’t expect to be able to understand it all right away.

Also keep in mind that God did not hand man the Bible. God inspired books of the Bible and we are able to read them, and they contain only truth, but whenever we read the Bible we add our own interpretation on top of it. By interpreting the Bible in this way, we are not guaranteed that we believe the truth, because all we are believing is our interpretation of the truth.

Instead, God founded a Church (Matthew 16:17-20) and gave the whole truth to his followers and they were told to teach that truth to the whole world. The Bible was never intended to be used in the way many Christian churches use it now, and this practice has led to confusion and many different interpretations. In my personal opinion, explore them if you feel some urging to do so but you’ll be wasting your time. There is only one Church that God founded, a Church that has preserved the truth of the apostles since the time of Jesus, and that is the Catholic Church.

Another thing to understand is that the Church is a hospital for sinners, not a hotel for saints. We are all sinners, and some people throughout history have done terrible things in the name of God. It is undeniable. God is there to help us know what is right and true but he still gives us free will and some do still abuse it. That isn’t a reflection on the Church he created, just on the depravity of man.

Another thing that you wrote that I need to comment on: God does not give his grace only to those who believe. Every good thing about you and me is a grace given by God. Without those graces, we would all be utterly depraved. Everyone has been given different graces. That is why some people murder, others do not, some people steal, others do not. Those who do not; have grace. I’m getting a little theological here; I hope you don’t mind. But grace is not just for believers. Jesus Christ died for all sinners, even those who did not believe. If God did not offer all of us grace, we would never have the capability to believe in Him in the first place.

God Bless you, and if you seek him, he will reveal himself to you.

In the difficult passage you quoted, regarding Abram (his name hadn’t been changed yet) and Pharaoh, God was not clueless at all. In fact, God was quite “proactive” in keeping Pharaoh from innocently doing something that would have caused him a lot of problems, that is taking another man’s wife. Consider it a “warning shot across the bough” for both Abram and Pharaoh. Pharaoh, probably deeply religious/superstitious himself, recognized that the plagues he encountered were of a supernatural nature and that caused Pharaoh to decide something is wrong with this woman Abram claimed to be his sister. It probably woke Abram up, too, to realize that his actions had consequences, and that next time he’d better trust God and be truthful.

When reading the bible, be careful to remember that the books are broken into different genres: historical narrative, law, wisdom, poetry, prophecy, apocalyptic, gospel and epistle. When reading about “abuse of women,” as you put it, be sure to recall what genre the book is written in. Also remember, it was not originally written in English, it was written in Hebrew, Greek and Aramaic, so you may need to find the meaning of the original words to find the correct meaning of a difficult passage.

A scripture in the New Testament says “God spoke to the fathers by the prophets at different times and in different manners…but has now spoken to us through His Son (Hebrews 1).” God doesn’t thunder out of the heavens to speak to us; He speaks to us primarily through scripture. He also speaks to us through the Holy Spirit, which He gives us when we believe and are baptized.

I look forward with great anticipation to explaining anything else you need to know to show you that the Old Testament is not vile as it may appear to you now.

In fact the old testament seems vile in a great deal of ways. The rampant abuse of women, the incestuous sex, the hateful and vengeful God. It truly is a harrowing read, not God’s best work of PR if you ask me. But that’s stuff for a later post. I don’t want to get into a protracted conversation about that right now. Suffice to say that the assumption that “God is love” seems to be a HUGE one if you ask me.

Thanks for your response to my question. I respect your answer.

If I may, allow me to explain what I have learned about God so far. Before I do that, let me say that my answers ARE based on the “ancient texts” that so many “free thinkers” seem to so despise, because I find the scriptures of the Holy Bible seem to best fit and answer life. I believe that the purpose of life is simply to enjoy a relationship with God and to enjoy relationships with one another. I say that because Jesus was asked a question, “which of the commandments is the greatest?” Jesus didn’t say “thou shalt not kill” is the greatest, or something like that, but He summed up the commandments by saying “Love God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself.” Having love for God and love for one another dictates how we relate to one another, which again, is the simple purpose of life.

Genesis opens with the garden of Eden. The Hebrew word for garden is “gan” and means “defense.” That implies protection. In the beginning, man was in the protection of God and was provided for by God. The devil, represented by the serpent, was also in the garden. He convinced man that mankind didn’t need God to determine what is ethical, that man could make that determination himself. Man believed the devil, and as a result sinned against God (I’m leaving out a LOT of details because I’m trying to be succinct in this small space), separating us from Him. Sin is why we have death and corruption in the world today…it is a spiritual (unseen) “condition” that affects the spiritual and the natural. Sin cut us off from the source of life, which is God. It’s like a branch that is cut off from a tree…it dies.

Fortunately, the PERSON of God, being loving as He is, restored us to relationship through Jesus Christ by paying the penalty of sin, which is death. When we believe in Him, and commit to live how He expects us to, He gives us His holy spirit to help change our corrupt human natures, so that we reconsider doing the things that cause our relationships to suffer.

I’ll end this post by saying I see God like some product manufacturers. Some manufacturers put out a disclaimer with their product saying “failure to use this product in a manner consistent with its intended use may result in injury or death.” That’s what God has done; He developed life and said that the best use for it is to love Him and each other, and failure to do so results in death. The choice is yours, therefore, you have to accept the consequences of your choice.

Okay, I wasn’t going to answer Rodney’s question because I didn’t want to get bogged down in where I’ve been. I’m more interested in the road ahead. But let me just say that my experience of Christian churches has obviously shaped my understanding of God. However, I struggle to believe that a God capable of creating photosynthesis, sealife, and clouds would then so dramatically limit his grace to those who happen to be fortunate enough to come across and accept Jesus Christ. It make little sense to me that a God so capable of diversity would create such a desperately narrow path to him for humankind to walk.

God to me, is a creative force, an infinitely limitless power. All religions that claim exclusive rights to God and the truth seem to be a contradiction of this is so many ways. At this stage I think God is a reality and religion is a choice.

Anne asks me what it might have been like if God had shown up that night in India. She is referring to a now deleted post I wrote back in April where I invited God to join me on the roof of a little house in southern India one night. I sat there and waited for 1 hour for God to show up. In the end it seemed that maybe he had another more pressing engagement.

So Anne, what would it have been like? Well heck, I don’t know. Maybe though you’re thinking that he did turn up and I just didn’t see him because I wasn’t looking for the right signs? Well maybe, but if God is going to be that subtle then I’d have to ask him why his appearances in the old testament are such a big and obvious deal while today people are left searching the vagueness for ’signs’ that may, or may not be from him.

If God had shown up then I wouldn’t be writing this blog now would I